The Kovac Series Season 2
by The Kovac Series
Summary: Alexandria contemplates life without Mariana. Mariana makes a big decision.
1. A Soul Mate Lost

A Soul Mate Lost  
  
"Just breathe."  
  
The phrase was sung on the TV above the admit desk. The beautiful voice of Faith Hill rang through the door which Dave held open just after Abby heard the beep from the heart monitor. Slowly, she turned her head to look at the black screen. She smiled slightly as she saw the green line moving jaggedly, not in a straight line.  
  
"Dr. Malucci," Abby called out.  
  
He turned around, a somber look on his face as tears welled up in his eyes. "What is it Abby?"  
  
"Come back here," she commanded. "Now."  
  
He shrugged, told the group in the waiting room to hold on for a moment and walked back in, shutting the door. "What is it?"  
  
Abby's smile grew wider as she pointed to the monitor. "Look!"  
  
At her excited exclamation Luka lifted his head from the body of his supposedly dead daughter and looked along with Dave at the monitor. They both smiled as they saw the line.  
  
Luka quickly jumped up and pulled his stethoscope away from his neck. Putting it on he put the other end over Mariana's heart and listened. Sure enough, there was a heartbeat. It was faint, but it was a heartbeat. Her chest rose and fell, but stayed still. Luka listened to her heartbeat again. It was still there. A minute later her chest rose, fell and stayed still.  
  
"Put her on a ventilator. She's having trouble breathing. But she's alive!" Luka exclaimed happily.  
  
Dave quickly jumped into action as he started preparing Mariana for the ventilator.  
  
"Abby, assist Dave in whatever way he needs help. Make a note in the file about what happened. Record the time. I'm going to go tell Alexandria about her sister," Luka said walking towards the door.  
  
Abby nodded and began working as well. Luka opened the door, walked out and shut it behind him. Alexandria looked up at him.  
  
"Sweetie, I need to talk to you," Luka told her.  
  
Alexandria nodded and followed him, a grave look on her face. Luka headed towards the waiting room, where he planned to have her sit while he told her the news. When they got there however, Kerry was outside the ER trying to shoo off a band of reporters.  
  
When the reporters caught site of the doctor in the white blood-stained lab coat they became even more excited, forcing Kerry off to the side and rushing in. "Doctor, did you work on one of the victims? Which one did you work on? Is the victim okay?"  
  
The reporters came with an endless stream of questions. Luka quickly pushed Alexandria ahead of himself and quickly guided her to the lounge, shutting the door and locking it behind them as the other doctors who had been awaiting news on Mariana's condition ran over to push the reporters outside.  
  
Luka turned around to see Alexandria sitting on a chair, staring up at him with tear-filled eyes. "Is she.is she dead?"  
  
Luka shook his head. "No. She's not. We thought she was for a second. Her heartbeat stopped, and her breathing stopped for a long period of time. We declared her death and then her heart started beating and she started breathing. Her breathing is not very good. She breathes about once every minute. We have her on a ventilator to keep her breathing. Dave and Abby are cleaning her up. When they're done, you can go in and see her."  
  
Alexandria stared at her father in disbelief. "So she's.she's alive?"  
  
Luka nodded. "Yes. For now. I don't want to give you any false hope Alexandria. She's in very critical condition. She was without a heartbeat for almost an hour. That's not good. We don't know what affect that will have on her. Her brain was without oxygen for awhile. She could have some serious brain damage. She has a lot of internal damage. We don't know exactly what condition she is in at the moment. The only time we'll find out is when she wakes up.if she wakes up."  
  
"She's unconscious?" Alexandria asked.  
  
"I'd have to say she's in a coma," Luka told her.  
  
"So, she'll be unconscious longer than when she was stabbed?" Alexandria asked.  
  
Luka nodded, "Oh yes. This is worse than the stabbing."  
  
"How long do you think she'll be in a coma?" Alexandria asked.  
  
Luka shook his head. "I can't say. It could be a day, could be a few days, could be a few weeks, months, years."  
  
"Years?" Alexandria asked her eyes widening. "She could be in a coma for years?"  
  
Luka nodded. "Yes."  
  
"But, she will wake up, right? Sometime, she will wake up?" Alexandria asked.  
  
"I wish I could say that it is guaranteed that she'll wake up," Luka said. "But the truth is, she may never wake up. She may be in a coma for a few days and die. Or she may live a long life, in a coma."  
  
Tears slipped out of Alexandria's eyes at the thought. "Oh my gosh. She can't live the rest of her life lying on a bed hooked up to machines and tubes!"  
  
"If the situation ever arises where she'll be spending the rest of her life like that, we'll have to decide what to do. But right now, let's not think like that. Let's think about her waking up," Luka said.  
  
"If she wakes up, she's fine then, right?" Alexandria asked hopefully for one piece of good news."  
  
"Not necessarily," Luka whispered, seeing as Alexandria's hopes were crushed. "I'm sorry honey. She could have some severe brain damage. We really can't figure out how bad it would be until she wakes up."  
  
"If she even wakes up," Alexandria whispered. "I could kill the bastard who did this to her. Unfortunately he's already dead."  
  
"Who did this?" Luka asked.  
  
"Warner Gardner. He was obsessed with her and was insanely jealous of Mitchell. But, Ryne Taylor was brought in too. I don't know what his part was in this, he was friends with Warner. That's all I know," Alexandria said.  
  
"Why does Warner Gardner's name sound familiar?" Luka asked.  
  
"He's the son of Judge Gardner," Alexandria informed him.  
  
Luka sighed. "Let's go out. I should check on Ana's progress. And we need to see if the parents of everyone else have been notified."  
  
Alexandria nodded. "Can I see Ana?"  
  
Luka smiled at her, "I'll see."  
  
They walked out of the lounge, Luka's hand on his daughters shoulder. He walked over to the trauma room where Mariana was. He opened the door and slipped in. Abby was sitting by her on one side, Dave was on the other. A tube was in her mouth. "You have her set?"  
  
Dave looked up and nodded. "Yeah. Alexandria can come in if she wants."  
  
Luka smiled slightly. "I'll go get her."  
  
He walked over to the door and peaked outside. The other doctors and nurses were had restrained the press, and were now walking back over.  
  
"Alexandria, you can come in."  
  
Alexandria quickly slipped past him into the trauma room. Luka left the room and shut the door behind him. "Thank you for taking care of the press."  
  
Jing-mei nodded. "No problem Luka. But they're looking for a report. I think it would be good to get out there soon and fill them in a little."  
  
Luka nodded. "But first, I'll fill you in. Mariana's heart and breathing stopped for almost an hour. We called her death, and then her heart started again. She was breathing once every minute, so we hooked her up on a ventilator. She is in critical condition. She's in a coma. What about Mitchell?"  
  
Carter looked up and said, "He was DOA. We worked on him anyway. We didn't want to give up that easily. But when someone's dead, they don't just come back. Except in Ana's case."  
  
Luka nodded. "And I'm glad she did. I'll go take care of the reporters for the moment. Can you call the other two guys parents? I'll call Mitchell's. I can get his number easily."  
  
Everyone nodded and went off in separate directions. Luka walked out of the ER.  
  
"Doctor! What can you tell us? How many survivors are there?" the questions kept coming and coming.  
  
Luka smiled at Kerry. "You can go back in if you need too."  
  
"I can stay here with you," she replied.  
  
He smiled at her again, then turned to face the reporters. Cameras were flashings, video cameras were filming, and microphones were being thrust into his face. Questions came endlessly.  
  
He took a deep breath and yelled, "I am Dr. Kovac. I did work on one of the teens. All I can tell you is that four were brought in, three died. One is in critical condition and in a coma. We will not be releasing any names until the parents are notified. Please, leave us alone so that we can call parents and tend to the needs of the one who is still alive."  
  
With that he turned around and walked in, followed by Kerry. Reporters turned to face their cameras to finish the report. The ER had one TV on. The reporter was concluding, "That was Dr. Kovac from Cook County General Hospital here in Chicago. To recap, four teens were brought in, three died, one is in critical condition. Names will be released once parents are notified. Let's go back to the school. Back to you Bob!"  
  
The news report flashed back to the school where police were streaming on the grounds and students were huddled together. "Thank you Julie. I am here with the principal, Principal."  
  
Randi picked up the remote and reduced the volume. "They're like vultures."  
  
"I'm going to go get Mitchell's number from Alexandria," Luka told Kerry and walked over to the trauma room. He opened the door and walked in. Alexandria was alone with her. She looked down at her sister's hand, the large heart monitor on her pointer finger.  
  
"She has to be all right," Alexandria whispered, looking up at Luka.  
  
Luka nodded. "I hope she is too."  
  
Alexandria looked back down at her sister and then back at Luka. "Why did this happen to her? Why does all the bad stuff happen to us? I'm sick of it! I don't want other people to suffer like this, but I'd like to stop suffering too!"  
  
Luka nodded. "I'd like all this to stop too."  
  
"Are you going to stay in here for awhile?" Alexandria asked.  
  
Luka sighed. "I wish I could. I need to call Mitchell's parents and ask them to come down though. After that I'll be here. Do you know Mitchell's number?"  
  
Alexandria nodded and told him the number. "Thanks."  
  
Luka left the room and Alexandria looked down at her sister. Closing her eyes, trying to keep tears contained she whispered forcefully, "You're gonna make it Ana! You have to make it! I can't live without you! I can't raise this baby without you!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Outside in the hall as Luka was walking to a phone Michael approached him. "Michael! I forgot you were here!" Luka exclaimed.  
  
"I don't blame you. If my daughter had died and come alive again, I think I'd forget something so insignificant," Michael said.  
  
Luka shook his head. "You're not insignificant Michael. Especially since you're there for my other daughter. Would you like to go in with Alexandria and Ana?"  
  
Michael nodded. "Could I?"  
  
Luka nodded, noticing Michael's bloodshot eyes. "And I'm sorry about Mitchell. You two were good friends, weren't you?"  
  
Michael nodded, "Best."  
  
Luka patted his shoulder. "I'm sorry."  
  
Michael nodded. "Thanks. And I'm sorry this had to happen to your daughter."  
  
Luka smiled and went off to find a phone.  
  
Michael knocked on the door of the trauma room where Mariana was before walking in. Alexandria was looking at the door. She smiled slightly as he walked in. "I thought you were a doctor!"  
  
Michael smiled back as best as he could. "I'm so sorry Alexandria!"  
  
"Thanks," Alexandria said, looking back down at her sister.  
  
Michael walked over and stood behind her. He began rubbing her shoulders. "Is she gonna be okay?"  
  
"I hope so. I don't know what I'll do if she dies," Alexandria whispered. Michael nodded, "You'll get on with life. You have to. You have a child coming to think about."  
  
Alexandria nodded. "I guess."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
An hour later Michael and Alexandria walked out of the room to go grab a bite to eat. Mitchell's parents and brother were standing there, talking to Dr. Carter, tears streaming down their faces. Mitchell's mom saw Michael and broke away from her husband running over. Wrapping Michael in her arms she sobbed, "Michael.did you hear?"  
  
Michael nodded, hugging her back. "I did. I'm so sorry Mrs. Evans."  
  
Mrs. Evans nodded, wiping tears away. "Thank you. And I'm sorry to you too. It's hard to lose a friend."  
  
"Harder to lose a friend, I'm sure, but thanks," Michael replied.  
  
Mrs. Evans saw Alexandria and said, "Hi Alexandria. Is your sister here?" Alexandria nodded. "Where is she?"  
  
Alexandria pointed towards the room. "In there."  
  
"Is that where my Mitchell is?" Mrs. Evans asked. Alexandria shook her head. "Who's in there then?"  
  
Alexandria blinked tears out of her eyes. "Mariana."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Mariana was shot too," Alexandria answered.  
  
"Oh, sweetie! She's not.too, is she?" Mrs. Evans asked.  
  
"No. Not at the moment," Alexandria replied.  
  
Mrs. Evans sighed with relief. "Oh, thank God! How is she?"  
  
"She's in critical condition. In a coma," Alexandria replied.  
  
"I'm so sorry," Mrs. Evans said.  
  
Alexandria smiled, "Thanks. I'm sorry about Mitchell."  
  
Mrs. Evans nodded as fresh tears popped up in her eyes. Her husband walked over, "Honey, we can.we can go in to s-see him now."  
  
Mrs. Evans nodded, "Bye Alexandria. Bye Michael."  
  
They walked off and Michael put his arm around Alexandria's shoulders, leading her towards the elevator. "You need to eat." ~*~*~*~*~  
  
Alexandria was sitting the ICU room where Mariana was being held. "You're gonna make Ana. I know you will."  
  
There was a tap on the door and Alexandria turned around to see Luka walking in. "It's eleven o'clock Alexandria. You need to go home and get some rest."  
  
Alexandria nodded. Looking down at her sister she said, "I'm gonna go home right now Ana, but I'll be back tomorrow. So, just hold on. I'll see you when I get back. Be here, okay?"  
  
Turning back to Luka he held his arms open. Alexandria walked into them and he wrapped her up tightly in his arms. "We'll be okay Alexandria. So will she. No matter what happens, everyone will be okay."  
  
Alexandria tried to nod, but couldn't pull it off. "I don't want her to be alone all night. What if she wakes up?"  
  
Luka smiled. "I already took care of that."  
  
"You did?"  
  
The door opened and Dave walked in. "I'm here till five. At five, Romano is coming in and he's going to be here till eleven. From eleven till five Jing- mei will be here. And from five till eleven Carter will be here. That schedule will continue until Mariana wakes up. If for some reason one of us is not able to be here for our shift Elizabeth, Kerry and Susan are here to fill in for us. You can come in here anytime, and if you want to be left alone the person on duty will leave the room. They will always still on this floor or if they're not, you can beep them and they'll come up. Our work schedules are being shifted as much as possible so that we can do this. You, Luka and Abby are free to come and go as you please."  
  
Alexandria smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks! And if she wakes up?"  
  
"We'll call you immediately."  
  
Alexandria thanked him again. "I feel better knowing someone will be here."  
  
"Yeah, thanks. Are you going to try to get any sleep?" Luka asked.  
  
"Nope. I have plenty of Mountain Dew and magazines to keep me up," Dave responded.  
  
"Okay. Well, we're going to go get some rest so that we can be ready to spend the day here tomorrow," Luka replied.  
  
"See you tomorrow."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Alexandria was lying on her bed. She had a CD of country music, her favorite type of music, playing. Lee Ann Womack's "I Hope You Dance" came on. The beautiful song floated through the air of the room.  
  
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,  
  
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,  
  
May you never take one single breath for granted,  
  
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,  
  
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,  
  
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,  
  
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,  
  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.  
  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
  
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,  
  
Never settle for the path of least resistance,  
  
Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',  
  
Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',  
  
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,  
  
When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,  
  
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance, And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.  
  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
  
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,  
  
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)  
  
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,  
  
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,  
  
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance,  
  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.  
  
Dance....I hope you dance.  
  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
  
I hope you dance....I hope you dance.  
  
(Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,  
  
Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder where those years have gone.)  
  
Alexandria blinked back tears. She felt like Mariana was talking to her. But if this was Mariana talking to her, was Mariana going to die?  
  
Alexandria looked at the clock. She hadn't been able to sleep at all that night. It was now eight in the morning. Getting up she grabbed the car keys for the car she shared with Ana off her desk. Running out the door she saw Luka and Abby eating breakfast.  
  
"I'm going for a drive," she said and ran out of the apartment.  
  
Minutes later she rushed out of the elevator and burst into her sister's room. Romano looked up and smiled. "Hi Alexandria."  
  
"Is she okay?" Alexandria asked.  
  
"She's doing fine."  
  
Alexandria sighed. "Can I be alone for a couple minutes?"  
  
Romano nodded. "Of course. I'll be out in the hall."  
  
He took the copy of the "New England Journal of Medicine" that he was reading and left the room. Alexandria sighed and sat down in the chair he had occupied. Putting her head in her hand she propped her elbow up on the nightstand beside the bed.  
  
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance  
  
Opening her eyes she opened the door of the nightstand and looked in. Sure enough, there was a phone book inside. She pulled it out and opened it up. Finding the number she was looking for she picked up the phone and dialed the number. It rang a few times before someone answered.  
  
"Pastor Hart! I'm glad you're at church right now! This is Alexandria Watkins," Alexandria answered.  
  
"Alexandria! Hi! I'm glad to hear from you! I haven't seen you or Mariana for awhile. How are you two?" he exclaimed.  
  
"Well, I'm okay.I.I guess. But, Mariana, she's not doing so well," Alexandria said.  
  
"What's wrong?" Pastor Hart asked.  
  
"She's in a coma," Alexandria told him.  
  
"What happened?" he exclaimed.  
  
"She was shot in the school shooting yesterday. Could you come here? We're at Cook County General, in ICU."  
  
"Yes! Of course! I'm on my way!" he exclaimed.  
  
"Thanks," Alexandria said, told him the room Mariana was in and hung up. 


	2. 1,000 Oceans

**A/N: The song used is 1,000 Oceans.**

**1,000 Oceans**

Alexandria was sitting by Mariana's bed, holding onto her hand. Her fingers were sticking straight out, and the heart monitor was weighing her pointer finger down a bit. Alexandria started crying softly. The last time Mariana had almost been killed she hadn't been lifeless like this. She had lost consciousness, but she had quickly been revived. She hadn't been lying in a bed in a coma, not able to move, or even hold her fingers straight without someone else holding onto her hand.

"Ana, please. Please come back to us," Alexandria whispered.

~*~*~*~*~

_These tears I've cried _

_I've cried 1,000 oceans. _

_And it seems I'm floating _

_in__ the darkness._

She was all alone. Sitting…somewhere…with her back against…something. No! Wait! She was…lying…somewhere…with her back against…the ground. Tears silently streamed down her face. She suddenly grew scared and quickly pushed herself up into sitting position. A pain shot through her stomach and she looked down. She was covered in blood. Blood from where? Blood from whom? Herself? 

She looked for a hole on her abdomen but couldn't find one. She only saw a scar on her stomach. Not a scar from the stab wound, a scar from something else. Something she didn't know. She couldn't remember._ So where was the blood coming from? She began looking around and saw where the blood was coming from. _

Mitchell!

Her heart leapt into her throat. Her love, her soul mate, lying a few feet away, bleeding. Bleeding all over. The blood covered the floor where Mariana had been lying. But how did she get blood on her stomach? She pulled her shirt around slightly so she could see the back. No blood there. How did that work?

But there was something more important than figuring out how the blood missed staining the back of her shirt but stained the front when she had been lying on her back. She had to check on Mitchell.

"Mitchell?" she whispered. "Mitchell?!"

She stood up, but fell over, more pain shooting through her stomach. Quickly, she began crawling over until she was kneeling beside him. She began to check him, to see where the blood was coming from, her hands turning red. She finally saw a small hole over his heart.

"Mitchell!" she screamed. As she fingered the hole, it closed up and the blood on Mitchell disappeared. He floated up to the ceiling and looked down at her. She looked down at her shirt, the blood had now disappeared. But the blood on her hands was still there. She spit on them and rubbed them together to try to get rid of the blood, but it was if the blood was naturally part of her hands.

Mitchell looked down at her and then said, "Ana, baby, stand up."

"I can't Mitchell. It hurts," she said. "And what happened to you? One minute you were hurt and the next you're fine and…and floating."

Mitchell suddenly landed on the floor, looking down at her. He bent over and grabbed hold of her arms and pulled her up. "You can stand Ana. You can."

And suddenly she realized she could stand up. "You know what happened to me Ana."

"No I don't!" she yelled.

"Then why are you yelling? You want to keep it buried in you so that you don't have to realize it and accept what happened. But you know," he told her.

"No, I don't! I don't know what happened to you!" she yelled again.

Mitchell grabbed her hands and held them. Softly he said, "Ana, you know what happened to me. You're trying to hide from the truth. That's why you're sleeping, so that you don't have to accept it. Because if you accept it, then you have to deal with it."

Mariana started crying again. "Baby, you have to…"

"I know! You told me enough already! But I can't! I can't! I can't face it! Look what I did to you!" she yelled through tears. "I can't face that! I can't face the fact that I killed you!"

Mitchell's eyes widened. "You didn't kill me!"

"Yes I did! It was because of me that Warner was jealous of you! It's because of me that he shot you!" Mariana yelled.

Mitchell felt the dried blood on Ana's hands. He turned them over so that he could look at her palms. "You have my blood on your hands."

"More proof that I killed you!" Ana said.

"No, baby. It's not proof that you killed me. It's only proof that you feel guilty because of my death," he told her. "You're dreaming, baby. Everything is symbolic…not literal."

"The blood won't come off," Mariana whispered as she stopped crying the tears drying on her face.

"Ana, look at her hands," Mitchell whispered and she lowered her gaze to her blood stained hands. "You did not kill me. You did not do anything to hurt me. I love you and I know you love me. Warner was crazy and he had an obsession. That's why I died. And I'm glad I had you while I was still alive. If I had lived a hundred years and not had you as my girlfriend, as someone who loved me more than anything, I would've been the saddest man on the earth. I lived seventeen years, but I had you. And you made my life worth living. I love you. You did nothing to hurt me. You only loved me. That's all I ever wanted from you."

Mariana watched in amazement as the blood on her hand disappeared as he was talking until her hands were clean. "I don't know how I can live without you Mitchell."

"You'll find a way," he whispered as he pulled her closer to him.

"I can just stay here. With you," she whispered back as the sound of soft crying filled the room. "Why are you crying Mitchell?"

"I'm not," he whispered back. "I could never cry in your arms."

"Who else is here?" Mariana asked.

"Alexandria," he told her.

"What's Alexandria doing in this hallway?" she asked.

"We're not in a hallway. We're in your room," Mitchell said.

"My room?"

"Your hospital room." 

"We're in the hallway at school. The hallway where you were killed," she told him.

Mitchell pulled back. "We're not at school. I followed you to the hospital. Remember? And when I saw that they were working hard on you I started to leave. And you followed me."

"And you told me to go back," she whispered.

"I stayed with you for awhile longer. I waited until you stopped crying so that I could talk to you. You finally stopped," he told her.

"So why is Alexandria crying?" Mariana asked, her protective twin instincts starting to take over her own grief.

"Look," Mitchell pointed over her shoulder. She turned around and he wrapped his arms around her waist.

She saw herself in a bed, hooked up to machines. And her sister beside her bed holding her hand, crying. 

"She needs you Ana. She needs you more than I do. I'll be fine where I'm going. But she needs her twin sister on earth with her. And your niece or nephew needs its aunt," Mitchell whispered in her ear. "Don't you want to be with your sister?"

Mariana nodded. "Of course I do. She's been with me through a lot of hard times in my life; I want to be there with her through hers. But I don't know how I can live without you."

"You won't live without me. I'll always be with you. I'll always be in your heart," he whispered in her ear. 

"I don't just want you in my heart, I want you where I can see you and talk to you," she told him. 

"I wish I could be Ana. You don't know how much I wish I could be here with you, and graduate with you, and marry you. I wish you and I could children together…I know you don't want any, but someday I think you will," he told her and she smiled at the thought. "But you know what, I'm just fine here too. The only bad thing is I don't have you."

Mariana turned around to face him. "Then let me come with you!"

"You can't Ana," he said.

"Why not?" she asked him.

"Because I want you to live a long life. And, because you only have me here. There you have that," he said, turning her back around. 

"Ana, please. Please come back to us," Alexandria whispered.

~*~*~*~*~

There was a slight knock on the door. Luka and Abby opened up the door and walked in. "How are you Alexandria?" Luka asked.

"Why won't she listen?" Alexandria asked him.

"What?" he asked confused.

Alexandria dropped Mariana's hand and jumped out of the chair she was sitting in. "I know that Ana can hear me in there. Why isn't she listening? Why won't she come back? I keep asking her to come back! I know she can hear me! Why won't she? Why isn't she listening? I need her! I can't live without her!" 

"Alexandria, maybe, maybe she can't come back. Maybe her body isn't strong enough to live. Or…"

"Or?" Alexandria whispered.

"Nothing," he said softly.

"Or what?" she yelled.

"Or maybe she doesn't want to come back."

"How can she not want to come back?" Alexandria shouted.

"She has to live without Mitchell if she comes back. She has to live with the pain of not only having been shot, but she has to live without Mitchell. She was always at Mitchell's when she needed someone who would just sit there and comfort her. Without him here, who does she go to with that comfort?"

"Me," Alexandria said. "She comes to me anyway; she'll just come to me all the time."

"It's not the same to go to you," Luka said.

"What do you mean? I'm not as good as Mitchell!? I can't help her through tough situations as well!?" she yelled.

"No. Not that. It's just that, you're going through the same things she's going through. She needs someone who isn't going through the same things to be there for her too. You have Michael and Carter. Ana had Mitchell. And now, Mitchell is gone," Luka explained.

"I just…I can't live without her! I can't raise this baby without her!" Alexandria yelled. Then she turned to look at her sister and broke into tears. She ran over to her sister and grabbed her hand. Crying into it she whispered, "I'm sorry, Ana. I'm sorry I was so mad at you. I just need you here. I need you to come back. Come back!"

Luka came over and patted her shoulder, "Alexandria, I think you need a break."

"No!" Alexandria yelled at him. Then at her sister she yelled, "COME BACK!!"

A nurse rushed into the room. "Alexandria. Let Luka and Abby take you down to the cafeteria for a little while. Or go home and get some sleep."

"No!" 

"Alexandria, it'll be best for you…and for her…if you leave and cool down for awhile," the nurse said.

"It'll be better for Ana if I leave for awhile?" Alexandria whispered.

"Yes, it will."

Alexandria nodded. "Maybe I should go home and get some sleep."

The nurse nodded, smiling. She followed Luka, Alexandria and Abby out the door. "Yes, I think that's a good idea. I'll call Dave," she said as the door slammed shut behind her.

~*~*~*~*~

_Well, I can't believe that I would keep, _

_keep__ you from flying _

"I can't leave her," Ana whispered. "I can't, and I don't want too."

Mitchell nodded. "I'm glad you see it the way I do. I think I should go. You'll be more willing to return if I'm not here."

"No! Don't go yet! I can't lose you yet! Not yet!" Mariana yelled, tears streaming down her face.

Mitchell smiled at her. "I can stay for a little while longer, baby."

They both sat down, Mitchell wrapping his arms around Ana. "I'm still here," he whispered.

_And I would cry 1,000 more if that's _

_what__ it takes to sail you home _

_sail__ you home, _

_sail__ you home._

~*~*~*~*~

Alexandria was lying on her bed, her hands on her stomach over her baby. She was listening to her country music when "Lets Make Love" by Faith Hill came on. As she listened to the song a realization hit her...when she got married, would she be able to enjoy making love to her husband after what Sergei had done?

Would she ever be able to get married without Mariana at her side?


	3. If You Sleep

****

A/N: Updates will not come as often due to schedules. I'm really sorry, but please be patient. Go check out the new The Kovac Series website ~ www.geocities.com/thekovacseries. It is still in major progress but there is a new interactive page you all might want to check out. The song used in this is "If You Sleep" by Tal Bachman.

****

If You Sleep

Mariana leaned against Mitchell, closing her eyes. _Don't think of him leaving…forever. Just think of being with him here, right now._

Her body nestled into his perfectly. They were a perfect match, so why couldn't they be together forever? 

~*~*~*~*~

Figure of divine perfection

No ones left with more affection

Soul to soul we've breathed

Oh, I won't let the fates succeed

~*~*~*~*~

"Oh! Hi Dr. Carter," Alexandria exclaimed wearily as she walked into her sisters room. Carter looked up from the copy of the New England Journal of Medicine that he was reading.

"Hi, Alexandria. How are you holding up?" Carter asked.

Alexandria sighed and shut her eyes to block the tears. "Not well. I just can't stop thinking about her."

Carter nodded. "That's completely normal Alexandria. You're holding up quite well for what you've been through in the last six months. Your sister was stabbed and you had to go through that. You were kidnapped, you were raped, you became pregnant…and now this, your sister knocking on deaths door, even while we speak."

Alexandria sighed. "More than anything I want Ana to wake up. But, it's been four days and she hasn't moved an inch. If she would be physically all right once she woke up, I want her to wake up now. But if she won't, I don't want her to live a life of hell on this earth. But you know what? I just want her to do something. I'm tired of waiting, I can't wait much longer. I'd always thought that waiting for a teacher to hand out a graded test was too hard…but this, this is much harder."

Carter nodded. "Waiting is the hard part. I wish we could tell you that your sister is going to be all right when she wakes up Alexandria, but we can't. Are you getting sleep? Are you eating?"

"I haven't gotten much sleep since the shooting, even though I've tried. And I haven't eaten anything since," Alexandria replied.

"I'm going to go down to the cafeteria and get you something," Carter said as he got out of the chair. "Those babies need food. And you should try getting more sleep. Those babies need you to rest too."

"I know," Alexandria nodded as she sat down next to the bed.

~*~*~*~*~

Worried hours of contemplation

Whispered bits of conversation

Unaffected orderlies

Disinfected rooms and hallways

~*~*~*~*~

"I love you Ana," Mitchell whispered into her ear. Mariana smiled at the sound of his voice and the feel of his breath lightly caressing her ear.

"I love you too Mitchell," she replied.

There was a moment of silence before she said, "Mitchell, I'm in this state because there's a possibility I could go back to my life. If you're here, why isn't there a chance for you to come back too?"

"Because my injuries were far worse than yours, baby. I didn't spend much time in this state. I was already passed this state, but then I came back here to make sure you went back to your life. I don't want you to die, Ana," Mitchell told her.

"I don't want to live without you!" Mariana cried. 

Mitchell kissed the tears off her cheeks. "You have a promising future ahead of you. I wish I could be there while you experience life, but I can't. And I'll be here waiting for you when your time comes. But your time isn't now, love."

"I just can't imagine life without you."

~*~*~*~*~

And if you sleep, you sleep with God

And if I cry, it's for my heart

Why should I hope you make it through?

'Cause if you sleep, I'll sleep, too

~*~*~*~*~

There was a knock and a woman poked her head in. "Alexandria?"

Alexandria turned around and smiled slightly when she saw who was at the door. She got up and walked over, holding it open. "Hi, Mrs. Evans. How are you doing?"

The woman sighed tiredly. Her face was pale and drawn, black circles rimmed the bottom of her eyes. "I'm doing okay now, I guess. How are you holding up?"

"I don't know," Alexandria replied honestly shutting the door softly behind her.

"How's Mariana doing?" Mrs. Evans gazed at Mariana.

"Her test results are showing brain activity. But she's not doing anything," Alexandria replied, letting Mrs. Evans walk over to Mariana's bedside. 

Tears welled up in Mrs. Evans's eyes as she gazed at Mariana's frail body lying on the bed. "I love her like a daughter. I always thought she would become my daughter."

Alexandria nodded. "I know how you feel, Mitchell was like a brother to me. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Evans."

"Thank you," Mrs. Evans replied quietly as she patted Mariana's hand.

"We scheduled Mitchell's funeral in four days. I'm hoping Mariana will be awake. I don't know if she'll be able to attend, but I'm hoping she will be," Mrs. Evans said. "I was on my way to the funeral home to make some arrangements and passed the hospital on my way. I decided to check in. I should get going now."

Alexandria nodded. "Thanks for stopping by. It means a lot to me, and I know it will mean a lot to Ana too."

Mrs. Evans smiled shakily and walked out. "Take care of yourself Alexandria. I hope to see you at Mitchell's…Mitchell's…" her voice trailed off.

"I'll be there," Alexandria said taking her spot by her sister's bed once more. But, this time the eerie sound of the respirator hissing and her sister's lifeless body before her was too much. Walking out of the room she quickly ran down the stairs and out of the hospital, passing Carter by the elevator on the way.

Outside the world was happy. The sun was shining and people were walking around, laughing and having a good time. The world had gone back to normal.

~*~*~*~*~

Jagged thorns and pretty petals

Butterflies and stinging nettles

Sunny days and nights of blackness

But where's the joy to cure my sadness?

~*~*~*~*~

"I have to go soon, baby," Mitchell whispered and Mariana could hear the tears in his voice.

"Why? Why can't we just stay here forever?" Mariana asked.

"Because, I have to go. And you have to return to Alexandria and Dr. Kovac and your niece or nephew," Mitchell whispered and more quietly added, "And your future husband."

"No, there will be no future husband. You were my only future husband," Mariana said.

Mitchell nodded. "As much as I want to keep you for myself, I'm not going to be there Ana. I want you to find someone else."

"No, Mitch."

"Someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated…"

"There's no one else but you," Mariana reinforced her decision.

"Someone who loves you as much as I do," Mitchell continued.

"No one could love me as much as you do," Mariana said. "And there will never be anyone but you."

Mitchell sighed. "Don't swear off love forever baby. Here in my arms isn't the best place to make that decision. You have a long, full life ahead of you. A life where you can become a singer or an actress or both. A life where you can marry some other man who love you and care for you as I have, because after all you've been through lately you deserve someone who will take care of you."

"I've always wanted you to be the one who would take care of me," Mariana told him.

"And I've always looked forward to the day when I could take care of you. But, I can't now," Mitchell said. "Please, Ana, wait awhile to decide. Date before you make a final decision never to marry. Do that for me, please."

Ana nodded. "I'll do that…for you."

"I have to go soon."

~*~*~*~*~

And if you sleep, you sleep with God

And if I cry, it's for my heart

Why should I hope to make it through?

'Cause if you sleep, I'll sleep, too

~*~*~*~*~

Alexandria just let her feet guide her. Lost in thought she didn't realize where she was until she stopped in front of a large fence. Inside was a cemetery. 

She walked in and walked along the black path until she came to two graves. Her parents. Alexandria knelt down. "Hi mommy, hi d-daddy."

Alexandria lifted her up until her face was pointing towards the sky. "Where would we put her? Here by mom and dad, in a new Kovac grave plot or would we put her by Mitchell?"

Alexandria looked around the cemetery and saw a few grave plots away a white mark. Alexandria walked over and saw a large rectangle drawn on in white marker. Looking at the headstone she saw the name 'Evans.' This is where Mitchell would be buried.

Quickly Alexandria turned and ran from the cemetery back to her sisters room at the hospital.

~*~*~*~*~

Gleaming cars and covered faces

Teary eyes in hallowed places

Grass and granite stone

No one's been more all alone

~*~*~*~*~

Mitchell stirred slightly and reluctantly put his hands on Mariana's shoulders and pushed her away gently. He stood up and then helped her up as well. Pulling her towards him he wrapped his arms around her in a big hug. "I have to go now, Mariana. I love you."

Tears began to drip from Mariana's eyes. "I love you Mitchell."

Mitchell pulled back and smiled at her. "You'll be okay."

__

And if you sleep, you sleep with God

And if I cry, it's for my heart

"Mitchell! Please! Come back!" Mariana yelled as tears streamed down her face. She dropped to her knees. 

"Oh, God! Please, Mitchell, come back baby! Please, I can't go on without you! Mitchell, come back!"

Mitchell turned around and Mariana saw tears flowing freely down his face as well. "We can't stay here forever darling. I wish we could, but we can't. We both have to go now."

"Why?"

"Because, it's just the way it is. I wish I could stay by your side forever, darling. But I can't. Just remember Ana, always remember, that I love you," Mitchell said and turned around, walking away once more. 

__

Why should I hope to make it through?

"I'm sorry, Al," Mariana said quietly, looking down towards her bed at her sister who just rushed in by her side.

Turning towards Mitchell she said, "Mitchell, I can't go on without you."

Mitchell turned back around. "Sure you can sweetheart."

"Don't you want me with you?" Mariana asked.

"Of course I do. But you have the chance to live a full life, and I want you to live life as long as you can. Life is a great thing, live it as long as you can," Mitchell told her.

"I can't live it any longer without you," Mariana said. 

There was silence for a moment and when Mariana realized he wasn't going to say anything, he was just going to wait and see what he'd do, she said, "I just can't."

And she took her first step towards him.

__

'Cause if you sleep, I'll sleep, too.

By the bed, Mariana's heart monitor flatlined.


End file.
